Today I feel sad about my situation.
Actually it's not only my situation, it belongs to at least half of my girlfriends as well.
I look at them and I see gorgeous, smart, loving women and they are single, I am single, and it doesn't add up.
It seems to me that there is an epidemic of selfishness going on at the moment. The desire in men to protect and sacrifice seems to have gone. So many of the guys that I meet are only interested in themselves, they have no desire to have families, and why should they when they can wait now? Women are so independent we don't need them that much and it seems to me they are having a laugh at our expense.
Please don't misunderstand me, this is not a rant about how awful men are. I love men, I really do. I was brought up by one. I have male friends that mean the world to me. But there is definitely something going on and the fall out is women like me, in our mid to late 30's, who need some commitment and are too old and aware to pretend we don't.
I spoke this morning to yet another of my girlfriends who has left her man because she wanted the relationship to progress and he couldn't give her that because he didn't 'know his heart' - his words - the very same words that tortured me throughout my excruciating 2 year separation. This girl is a really special one (a common consensus) and I know he still loves her, but he 'doesn't know his heart' so he will let this rare gift go.
Will someone please help me to understand?
What do these men want?
I do understand that relationships breakdown but this is not what I'm describing.
I'm talking about some weird situation where there is love and lots of it, but there is a Peter Pan parasite on the loose. A virulent one! Yes, for a year things may be exciting in a new romance and there may be more sex but after that it will be the same.
How many wonderful women have I met in my situation recently, in good relationships until they asked for something and then they got stonewalled. They leave and the guys move straight on to a younger fresher model and one that won't ask for too much (for the time being).
I am sorry if this seems like an attack, it is not meant that way, I just feel sad and tired of being lonely and I want to understand.
2 comments:
A friend directed me to your blog to read this particular entry...it really hits home with me and I too am baffled by how many truly marvelous women out there are single...and how many guys are prepared to let them walk by. I recently read the book "why men marry bitches"...I honestly never thought I would read such a book...it basically tells you how to 'play' with the male psyche and need to pursue in order to hook and keep your man. and you know what? It actually works! BUT...I am left, like you, so saddened by the fact that this is what it has come to. Whatever happened to good old honest expression of feelings and a desire to connect on a deeper level? It sure is hard to 'keep your chin up'...Anyway...that is MY rant, and I thank and admire you for what you wrote and will be following your maternal adventures. Dana.
I can indeed sense how sad you are and I think that there are many, many young males out there floundering around not knowing how to be 'men'. It seems that these days the notion of being an adult (and all that that implies) is simply something that eludes these guys. Part of the problem may stem from the loss of any rites of passages. A boy just doesn't know when or how to become a man, cause there are no more social rituals. Girls fare a little better and at least have a chance to become women, maybe just due to stronger biological urges. Anyhow, good for you for deciding to become an adult and if some guy happens to cross your path sometime in the future, he would be lucky to be invited on your journey with you.
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