Ouch! But not a bad one.

It's an interesting one setting out on the road of having a baby alone because it begs the question 'Where does it leave you on a romantic level'?

I recently had an affair with a friend, a man I've known and loved for a long time - when I say loved I mean in a platonic way (apparently not completely). So for a list of reasons I won't go into we end up having a short affair. This is not casual sex, it's different, it's an affair with someone you love but know you won't end up with. He's a good man but lives in another country and more importantly we aren't going to fall in love. Under normal circumstances this would be a shame but throw my current situation into the equation and it becomes a bit of a wake up call.

I have spent the last 6 months coming to terms with the notion that I'm having a child alone, bracing myself for the job, accepting the downsides and let's not forget, the upsides too.
And then I end up, all be it briefly, in a loving situation with a man that really cares for me. Come flooding back the memories of what it's like to be taken for dinner, to have a man interested in me and being supportive. I'm reminded that there are good guys out there... Ooops.

I wouldn't change it for the world as I believe in living life and embracing it's ups and it's downs, but this has made me feel what I may be forfeiting - if only for a while.
It's tough being single, going to bed alone, dealing with life solo, not having a partner to bounce an idea off at the end of the day or simply to give you a hug when you need it.
(Note to self: remember all the downers too!)

I still realize the truly wonderful journey I am embarking on and I'm as deeply excited as ever, but I'd be dishonest if I didn't acknowledge that already it sometimes feels lonely. I also realise that by the very nature of what I'm doing I will likely ensure my 'singleness' for a while to come.
I write this diary for myself mainly, but also in the hope that someone out there may fell less alone if they are on, or will one day be on, a similar road.
This is not a poor me tale just another reality check.