IVF anomalies

You gotta laugh.
Apparently I've failed too many IUI's and am too old to be viable at the funded unit for IVF so I get to go to the back of the line. I asked them to explain why someone without time to spare should wait longest, but I already knew the answer, it's all about stats, so I'm off to do it privately where it's that cash that counts. I'll have to get a loan and it'll make things mighty tough, but what's a girl to do?

Spent the last 24hrs comparing all of Londons IVF clinics and of course all the ones with great success rates have hideous waiting lists so I'm back to square 1, Great!

I'd love someone out there to tell me if there are any benefits of going through this hell.
Does it make you a better mother?
Or is it just one of those things?

4 down, IVF to go

The title says it all.

Though on the plus side the 'turn around' was shorter than usual, I came on 3 days before Xmas (my due day) so I was out of suicide mode by the big C - all good - besides I haven't had any time to feel sorry for myself because I'm on holiday with friends.
My advice to anyone in my situation; surround yourself constantly with a group of pals, it may drive you nuts but it's a fabulous distraction. I realise this is not possible nor do I desire it in the long term, but it sure is nice to have time out from myself .

I braved it and asked a man I adore if he would father the child for me when I do IVF. He said yes but I asked him to go away and really think about it.
I don't have an appointment till mid Jan so there's no rush to decide - apart from my dreaded dreams. Not sleep dreams but the dream of having a father for my kid and one that I truly adore. I asked him because I think he'd make an amazing dad and I'd be able to look at my kid and know that I love it's father and that feels like such an important thing to strive for. So now I'm living in 'Hope World - the sequel'. This is not just hoping to get pregnant, but now also hoping that I may have a great dad for my kid.

(2 weeks later)

He said 'no'.
He's having a difficult time and felt uncomfortable about making such a big decision.
I'm sad, but have faith that for some reason it'll be better in the end.
I allowed myself to hope and we've already established there's no place for hope on this mystery tour.
So back to Plan A.
I'm having my first IVF meeting tomorrow.