The title says it all.
Though on the plus side the 'turn around' was shorter than usual, I came on 3 days before Xmas (my due day) so I was out of suicide mode by the big C - all good - besides I haven't had any time to feel sorry for myself because I'm on holiday with friends.
My advice to anyone in my situation; surround yourself constantly with a group of pals, it may drive you nuts but it's a fabulous distraction. I realise this is not possible nor do I desire it in the long term, but it sure is nice to have time out from myself .
I braved it and asked a man I adore if he would father the child for me when I do IVF. He said yes but I asked him to go away and really think about it.
I don't have an appointment till mid Jan so there's no rush to decide - apart from my dreaded dreams. Not sleep dreams but the dream of having a father for my kid and one that I truly adore. I asked him because I think he'd make an amazing dad and I'd be able to look at my kid and know that I love it's father and that feels like such an important thing to strive for. So now I'm living in 'Hope World - the sequel'. This is not just hoping to get pregnant, but now also hoping that I may have a great dad for my kid.
(2 weeks later)
He said 'no'.
He's having a difficult time and felt uncomfortable about making such a big decision.
I'm sad, but have faith that for some reason it'll be better in the end.
I allowed myself to hope and we've already established there's no place for hope on this mystery tour.
So back to Plan A.
I'm having my first IVF meeting tomorrow.
2 comments:
dont know what to say other than good luck, and i hope all works well for you.
That is very disappointing.
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